On Wednesday night, I was working on a heartfelt and wholesome post about being a part of two programs that are dear to my heart and on the edge of qualifying.
Then I got pissed off about a stupid quidsecret and wrote this instead.
Quidsecrets is a GIFT
That is, it’s proof of the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.
The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory (GIFT) is a postulate which asserts that normal, well-adjusted people may display psychopathic or antisocial behaviors when given both anonymity and a captive audience on the Internet.
As someone who has been called a “bitter old bitch” out of the goddamn blue on that website, the last thing I want is to feed that beast. I submitted things, stupid harmless wholesome things, but even that dried up some time ago because no amount of wholesome will ever drown out the trash on that site.
Now I only look when someone asks me, “Hey, did you see X quidsecret?”
Quidditch sucks if you’re not a dude
For an inclusive sport, you sure put up with a lot of bullshit if you’re not a man. I was working on a long, well thought out, reasonable series of posts about what it’s like being a woman in this sport. It’s not all bad, there are some bones thrown to #NotAllQuidditchMen, but let me boil it down to some of the nastier bullet points since I’m not in a reasonable mood:
- a vast majority of teams will make you the “girl beater” or “small hoops chaser” and nothing else if you’re female and never dream of playing more than 2 non-male players at a time if they can get away with it
- women get stuck with unpaid and thankless organizing roles like TD and Team Mom all the time
- good luck finding women not named me talking about this sport because the major American media is a bunch of dudes (EDIT: I didn’t forget Dallas, but she organizes far more than she writes these days and yet Ethan almost always gets the credit)
- sexual harassment runs rampant through this sport and almost no consequences ever come of it
That last part is why I am pissed off on a Wednesday night when it’s past Grandma Liz’s bedtime.
What I really think
I don’t want to know who wrote the quidsecret that kicked off this rant because it sounds so much like me that it has to be one of my friends. I hope it’s not, but I don’t know what else to think. Everyone I know knows how I feel about that cesspool of a website.
So, two years ago one of my former fellow regional coordinators was accused of assaulting another former player. We all know who this is. I’m not using names because I’d rather not have this come up when either of them gets Googled because this whole thing is messy enough.
I was numb with shock about it at first, but eventually, I cut him off because I couldn’t cope with it.
You see, I’m a victim of sexual assault. I spent nearly two decades burying that fact, but hey, it’s the #MeToo era, right? We can say these things out loud now.
I will always be a product of my experience. I will always see things through the eyes of someone who was preyed upon, forced upon. But my situation, like the one two years ago and so many others, is complicated. I worried that if I ever pressed charges, they’d be dismissed. I wouldn’t be surprised if the statute of limitations was up anyway.
So in light of my terrible but all too common experience, I was disgusted that the same thing played out that always does: man is accused of assault. Man faces no permanent consequences. Their victim is shamed into silence. Life goes on. Everyone tries to forget.
That shit happened to me. It still stings. It will always sting. So when I see it play out again in the part of my life I have poured so much work into, it hurts. I nearly quit all over again, not that that threat carries much weight coming from me anymore.
I’m not a lawyer but I know enough lawyers not to throw around the word “rapist” without the weight of the law behind me. I don’t go screaming it on sidelines, crying for attention. But I won’t pretend that I haven’t privately ranted about this and other situations where men got away with sexual misconduct scot-free. But those rants were in private.
Heroes and Villains was a great tournament and the Gambits always gave Cal credit. They both absolutely deserve it.
But no tournament, no matter how well organized—and I have an abiding spot in my heart for well-organized tournaments—will ever let me or others like me forget (I’m not the only one, just the one with a platform) that the Gambits fostered a player that others in this community considered a threat to others.