2018 Resolution Update: June
We’re hitting the halfway point of the year. Let’s check in on how well I’m sticking to my New Year’s resolutions, shall we?
Resolution #1: Do fewer things, better
I’m glad we’re starting on this one because I’m not so thrilled without how my other resolutions are going. I feel more focused now that I’m not juggling a million things. However, I’m constantly fighting the urge to take on more projects. Gotta stay strong and focus on full-assing the things I am doing.
Resolution #2: Keep a regular workout schedule
If by regular, you mean maaaaaaaybe once a week? This is what happens when I take a break from a demanding routine: I find myself putting off getting back to work.
While I haven’t weighed myself—likely because I don’t want to be faced with mathematical proof of my slacking—my clothes fit the same and I feel the same, so at least I’m maintaining the progress I made.
And hey, I’m trying new things! I went bouldering with Jimmy for the first time and I can see it becoming a regular weekend thing for us. Now that I don’t have two team’s worth of practices to go to, it’s nice to be able to spend more time with him. Doing something active together is a bonus.
Resolution #3: Try to focus on the positive
I know I have a problem with being self-deprecating and putting myself down. Hell, It’s a tendency that’s been cropping up throughout these resolution updates.
It’s a defense mechanism I developed after being bulled through grade school. If I could beat people to the punch, I’d effectively be disarming them, right? Seemed like a winning move at the time.
But here’s the thing: if you listen to the people who tell you that you suck enough times, you get so focused on staying one step ahead of them that those voices are all you hear, including in your own head. You give yourself over to criticism so much that there is no room for positivity.
My inner voice is so fucked up right now. It’s become an echo chamber of negativity. I need to listen more when I’m praised or complimented. My first response is never, “Oh, thank you!” Instead, it’s “Oh, but…” and then some self-deprecating thing.
I’m not trying to sound humble. If anything, I think that habit is insulting to anyone trying to help me see myself in a better light. I’m not valuing their input. I’m blowing them off and treating them like their opinions don’t matter. That’s one good way to drive off your friends.
I need to be better about this. I’m not sure how just yet, but I’m gonna try.