2018 Resolution Update: September

It’s Salted Caramel Mocha season (pumpkin spice who?) which means it’s time for my annual “Holy shit, how is it fall already?” moment.

Except that it’s still summer. In fact, it’s still August! Summer lasts until September 22nd, you heathens. I can deal with that ~fall aesthetic~ creeping up all the way up to September 1st, but August? Really? Cool your spoopy jets, people.

Anyway, on to the resolutions! I’m a day early, but I finally broke my writer’s block so I’m gonna jump the gun. My blog, my rules.

Resolution #1: Do fewer things, better

Killing it. No more mad scramble from an MLQ team back to USQ team(s) for me. Yay retirement, right?

Actually, it’s been rougher than expected. The thing about being forever busy is that you’re left with no time for self-reflection. If you’re trying to get away from your self-doubt, self-pity, or just yourself in general, that’s not a bug—it’s a feature.

This month I went from doing ALL THE THINGS to not wanting to do any of them. I couldn’t finish my MLQ Championship Journey series because one photo and two hundred words just felt too hard after a grueling season. Work projects have taken me far longer than usual to finish because I have to fight my way through apathy to focus. Podcasting and writing, two things I usually love doing, have felt like more effort than I have in me.

I’m turning a corner now, but I feel like this always happens when I reach the end of a busy busy busy period. I need to be better about finding the balance between ALL THE THINGS and apathy.

Resolution #2: Keep a regular workout schedule

My knee isn’t at 100% yet, but it is good enough for me to get back on the exercise bike 2-3x a week, and so I have been. I’ve gone back to tracking my food and workouts, too. I think I gained some weight this summer because my clothes fit differently, but I haven’t weighed myself. That’s not the point. I just want to go back to feeling good in my own skin, and I’m finally back on that path.

Resolution #3: Try to focus on the positive

I feel like this section has turned into my monthly mental health update, but I’m okay with that. It’s been nice to be able to check in with myself.

I tend to fixate on worst-case scenarios because I’m the one who has to either plan around them or cope with them when they haven’t been planned for, but constantly expecting the worst is an exhausting way to live.

Coping with criticism is something I’m not so great at, either. My first instinct is to tense up and defend myself. Sometimes that’s useful, but sometimes that’s a barrier I put up between myself and a valid critique. But at the same time, you can’t take every negative thing to heart. Figuring out which things to let past my defenses, which things to fight back against, and which to ignore (easily the hardest option for me) is something I’m constantly in the process of learning.

But there is a process happening and I am learning from it, so that’s positive, right?

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